I loved you first
by bechloehuh
Summary: "It's days like this when I realize just how much I miss you. Days when all I can do is think about you, and only you. Days when it's so cold outside that I'm pretty sure it's going to start to snow, but I have to walk to the office because I just can't sit in the car knowing that it belongs to you."


It's days like this when I realize just how much I miss you. Days when all I can do is think about you, and only you. Days when it's so cold outside that I'm pretty sure it's going to start to snow, but I have to walk to the office because I just can't sit in the car knowing that it belongs to you.

It's 6:57am when I arrive at work. I walk past the office assistant and smile at him. I don't get a smile in return. I show him my badge but he barely even acknowledges me. No surprise there, really. So I just walk down the hall.

I wave at the cleaner, with my folder in one hand and my badge in the other. He waves back at me and smiles a bright toothy grin. He smells like toilets and fresh air as I walk passed him and I can feel him smiling at the back of my head. At least someone's on the same page as me.

I notice that the elevator is just about to close. If I miss it, I'll probably be late. But if I get on it, I'll have to put up with people staring at me and scoffing at my trainers that I decided would go well with my blazer. I may have been half asleep when I got dressed this morning. Who knows? I can't remember, because the only thing on my mind right now is you.

So I step in the elevator which is filled with about 7 people from work who I admit, I have never seen before. One of them, I can tell, is somewhere higher up in the industry than I am. She has her blonde hair pulled back into a bun, and she's wearing a black skirt to match her black blazer. She's also wearing lipstick which is almost too professional enough to be able to bare. Another one of them, a middle aged man, smells like cigarettes. I can almost smell your scent over theirs if I think about it long enough.

My scarf feels a little tight on my neck and I feel claustrophobic in the lift with all these strangers. So I loosen the item and hope for the best.

It's silent. It's like someone's pressed mute and all I can here is other people breathing. If you were here you'd probably be trying not to laugh at these strangers standing around me. You'd be stifling giggles and trying to make me laugh at the old Chinese man behind me. I wonder to myself why I didn't take the stairs, but then I arrive at my destined floor. All of them push passed me as if they actually want to go do their work. None of them do though. I mean, it's a shitty job, to be honest.

Most people at work know about us. That's probably why most of them give me deathly glares across the workplace. I'm not sure they approve of us. It's like they judge us, and they all find a way to hate me for it. But it's natural. It's not like I can help it. I love you. And they don't know us. But that doesn't matter. You're mine, and that's all that matters really.

I make my way over to my office, sighing because everybody else is already settled down doing their work. All eyes are on me right now as I drag my trainers across the floor. Maybe I should have thought about what I was dressing myself in this morning.

I set my umbrella down on the floor and take my scarf off. Someone's knocked over my unfinished cup of coffee from yesterday. I sigh as I take it to the staff room and clean it, making myself a fresh one. There's no milk though. So I guess I have to have it black. I guess it kinda makes sense though. I mean it basically describes my mood right now.

I go back to my office and sit down, taking my jacket off in the process. There's a flickering light above my head. It's the one that I told the maintenance man about a few weeks ago, but he still hasn't fixed it. I guess I'll have to cope with it for yet another day.

* * *

I really want to get my work done, believe it or not. I mean, there's nothing much else to do today and I'm pretty sure that I was supposed to hand my dissertation in last week. But there's two guys behind me playing a video game of some sort. It's taking all I have in me not to crack their heads together and throw their PSP's out of the window. I can't concentrate. It might be because I can't get the thought of you out of my head either.

I try and focus on my work. It lasts about five minutes before I see a paper aeroplane fly in front of my face. It's Jack. You know Jack. He's ginger and quite small. He threw it at me because he's most certainly bored as hell, just like me. I smile at him and he just smiles back. I get back on with my work, checking my watch every 2 minutes.

* * *

I finally finish. It takes me about 2 hours, but I finish. I print it out and Jack reminds me that I have to fax it to the boss. Unfortunately, the fax machine is out of order. Just my luck, right? Guess I'll have to go another day without handing the work in. It's not like it means anything, anyway. It probably makes no sense. I was thinking about you the whole time that I was writing it.

I go back to my office and notice Jack reading _The Notebook._ He smiles at me and gives me an apologetic look, as if it was his fault that the world was against me today. I just smile back and start to make a chain out of yellow paperclips.

Another half an hour passes and my coffee's gone cold. I decide to go get a cup of water. Looks like _that's_ not going to happen any time soon. There's a fairly large bald man standing in front of it. Lennie, I think his name is. I don't know, I've never spoken to him. I don't think he actually does speak. He pours himself another drink and I don't think he's gonna move any time soon, so I just walk away. Fun times.

* * *

It's finally lunch time. I take my magazine to the diner and buy myself a sandwich. It's just simple ham and lettuce, but it'll do. It's nothing like the sandwiches you make, though. If I think about them hard enough, these shabby ones almost taste the same as your beautiful homemade ones.

I flip through my magazine. Apparently Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have adopted another kid. And there's another flawless picture of J-Lo.. Oh look, X Factor starts tonight.

I can feel eyes on me but I try not to let it bother me, instead I just go back to reading the film reviews on the back page.

I go back to my office. Not long now. I smile as I notice a yellow post-it note stuck on the front of my computer. It's the note that you wrote to me the day you went away. When you left me on my own. I remember we made a video together that day so I open up the file on my iPad and press play.

I smile as the screen shows the video of you writing the note. You film yourself as you write "I loved you first" and then show it to the screen with a huge grin on your face. You look so happy. I thought I'd do the same and film myself writing "I loved _you_ first" underneath your handwriting.

We're playing in the leaves now. You're trying to rake them up but I keep kicking them all over. I remember saying that it was raining leaves. You got annoyed at first but by the look on your face on the video, you remembered how much you loved me, so we played in the leaves and I kept throwing them at you. You throw them back at me, then you pretend the rake was a guitar and you start to sing. I remember you were singing a Taylor Swift song. You set the camera on the floor and then tackle me to the ground. We look so happy.

The video shows me and you standing in the garden together. Your head is beside mine and you tilt it and kiss me on the side of my head. You kiss me again on my cheek. I have your favorite beanie on. I remember that I stole it off of you and you told me that I could keep it because it looked better on me. You always liked to see my wearing your clothes.

I smile at the screen. We're laying on the ground and you had your head in my lap. I'm stroking your hair and I can see you mouth the words 'I love you' over the music that's playing. I say it back. It shows a close up of our hands. They're entwined together and personally, I think they look like a jigsaw. It's like we've both found our missing piece and.. I don't know, it just felt so _right _in that moment_. _It still does.

The video shows you holding a kitten now. It's ours. You're showing it to the camera with a huge smile on your face. The day that we filmed the video was the day that you bought Fluffy for me. He has brown hair and blue eyes, just like you. You said that you bought him so that every time I looked at him then I'd think of you. That's true. I still do think of you. Every single time.

The video shows me laying on my bed now. You suddenly appear out of nowhere and jump on me. I'm laughing in the video. I'm laughing right now as I'm watching it. Ignoring the pain in my heart as I watch you smiling that smile that I absolutely _love._

I look at my watch and see that it's 5pm. Finally, it's the end of the day. I lock the iPad and put it back in my bag. I grab my stuff and don't even bother to put my jacket on before I run down the corridor and I think to myself,_ God_ this day can't have gone any slower.

I run into the elevator and there's that Chinese man who was standing there this morning. We ride down in silence but I wave goodbye to him as I walk out. He waves back with a small smile on his face. As I run passed the clerk at the front desk, he waves at me. Maybe he's happy to get home, who knows. I give the cleaner a high five as he rolls his trolley down the hall. He's ready to go home too. Everybody is. Ready to come home?

I practically skip down the street to the bus stop. It's raining but I don't care. The bus comes after I wait for about 5 minutes and I greet the bus driver with a smile. I pay my fair and take a seat at the back. I take out my iPad and put the video on what I was watching earlier. I watch it again. It's the part where your head is resting against mine and you tilt it to kiss me. I carry on watching the video and smile as I get to a part that I didn't get to watch earlier.

You're holding the camera at arms length and you kiss me. The video shows that you were laid on the floor and I was filming you. I remember the conversation we had that day. You told me that you was scared. At first you told me that you was scared of my dad. You said that he didn't approve of you and your tattoos and your piercings. You said that the first time you met him he looked at you when you were dressed in your leather jacket and black jeans, and you said that he shook his head at you as if to say he disapproved.

He doesn't. I told you to just ignore him, because it's not up to him who I love. I love you and you love me and that's all that matters. My heart belongs to you and only you. But you still said you were scared. I was scared too. I _am_ scared.

I smirk as I notice it's the part of the video where I used my left hand and you used your right hand and we form a heart together. I remember that you didn't want to let go because it was as if our hearts were breaking, but I told you that I'd never break your heart. You said you'd never break mine.

This is the part of the video that I don't like. Jesse just arrived and he's sat in the car. It was time for you to go. You walk towards the car after you kiss me on the cheek. You told me you love me and you look so sad. You throw your bag in the trunk and get in the passenger seat. I wave goodbye and you smile at me. It's not a happy smile though. It's a goodbye smile. It's the only smile of yours that I don't like.

I hug the iPad closer to me and close my eyes. I can feel the tears brimming but I won't let them fall. You told me never to cry over you. So I won't.

The bus finally arrives at it's destination. It arrives at the airport. I've never been here on my own before. I look around and I feel lost.

But then I see you.

And you're the only person that I can see right now. It's as if the world has slowed down just for me to be able to look at you and admire the way that you're walking through the doors towards me.

You look so smart in your uniform. You always told me that green was your favorite color. You look good in green. Your hair is up in a messy bun and you look really tired, but that doesn't matter because you're running straight towards me. You're getting closer and closer and I can almost smell you.

I drop my bags and run towards you. We finally collide and I jump up and wrap my legs around your waist. You spin me around and we're both unaware that we're causing a scene. It's as if this isn't real, because you're here, with me. I can smell you. I can feel you. I can see you.

You spin me round and try to pull me impossibly closer to you as my arms tighten their grip around your shoulders. I close my eyes as if I was in a dream that I didn't want to wake up from. But this isn't a dream. This is real. This is one hundred percent _real._ You're really here with me. You're home.

I don't know how long we've been standing here but I can feel your arms loosen their grip on me as you put me back on the ground. You're arms are still wrapped around my waist and it feels so weird because you're _here._ I move my hands to tangle in your brown locks, they're is so silky and soft. It feels like we've been standing here all alone in the moon light for hours. But we're actually in a crowded airport at God knows what time on a Friday. Just gazing into each others eyes. You pull me closer to you, and I feel protected within the circle of your arms. You're finally home.

"You're real" I whisper and you laugh at me. You actually _laugh_ at me and I swear I've never felt so happy than I do in this moment, with you. I hadn't heard you laugh in two whole years and now.. Now I just can't get enough of that sound.

"I missed you" you murmur. Your face is only inches from mine and the warmth of your breath lights me up like a candle. We look at each other. Although we don't just look. We gaze. I beam at you and I feel the hot wet tears running down my cheeks. A rush of heat starts in my chest and slowly spreads throughout my body, reaching every last limb. I can feel your eyes watching my every move, from the slight twitch of my lip to the way my shoulders rise and fall as I breathe. You lean forward painfully slowly, your soft delicate hand brushing the hair out of my face and in an instant your lips are on mine.

I feel more tears fall down my face as your own tears mix with mine. It feels like someone has punched all the air out of my body because I can't, for the life of me, keep my breathing steady. I haven't kissed you in 2 whole years and right now, in this moment, all I can feel is you transferring all of those feelings from these past 2 years in to this one kiss. All the 'I miss you's', 'I love you's' and 'I'll see you soon's'. All of them are shared in this one passionate kiss.

As your lips mold with mine, it's like there's no one else in the whole world but us two. As cliche as it sounds, it's true. It's like all of my problems have vanished. I try thinking about one thing, anything, that I could say to you but I couldn't. Your lips are so soft and warm in the cold air, they chills down my body and my heart is beating fast and slow at the same time. Together our bodies grew electrified, almost. Each second that went by our hunger for each other only grew greater until we were one. But just as quickly as it came, we part from each other leaving ourselves panting heavily. You pull away and tears are glossing your eyes.

Your lip quivers a bit as you smile at me. "_God_, I love you so much" you mumble into my lips before you wrap your arms tighter around my waist and nuzzle your head into the crook of my neck.

I shut my eyes tighter as I whisper "I loved you first, Becs"

* * *

**A/N: I wrote this story a few weeks ago and I guess I just forgot to publish it. It's based on the song 'Ours' by Taylor Swift.**

**Thanks for reading!**


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